The Virtues: Modesty
Toddlers do this. So do parents. However, few people know the word for it.
Illeism is the act of referring to oneself in the third person instead of the first person. Mothers use illeism when they say “Do what Mommy says” in place of “Do what I say.” A child may say, “Billy want ice-cream, not cookie.” This is because a toddler cannot yet understand that “Billy” and himself are the same person! A toddler’s speech evolves past using illeism once they develop a strong sense of self-recognition, often just before age two.
The muppet, Elmo, was a loveable character in part because he was young, but also because he didn’t talk much about himself. He exhibited modesty of speech.
When I was nine years old, my grandmother graciously found a way to teach me about modesty of speech. I had developed a habit of talking a lot about myself. “Grandma, I want…” or “Grandma, I think…”, etc. She didn’t scold or correct me, but instead issued a gentle challenge.
Grandma began by telling me that when she was a young girl, she had a teacher who helped her. The teacher was good at what she did and Grandma liked her a lot. In English class one day, the teacher said, “One should avoid saying, ‘You should,’ unless you are in a position of authority or expertise. But,” she continued, “learning not to talk about yourself is even more important.”
My grandmother then asked me, “Have you ever noticed how often you use words like I, me, my, myself, mine? It sounds like you think the Trinity is ‘Me, myself and I.’ Let me give you a challenge. See how long you can go in a conversation without referring to yourself. Can you go for 10 sentences?”
“Grandma,” I answered, “I think I can!”
She looked at me with a wry smile and said, “So when do you plan to start?”
After failing repeatedly, I went back to her and said, “I don’t think I am very good at this.”
“Do you want to learn?”
I nodded my head.
“Start by obeying the second great commandment.”
I had learned this one in church. “Love others as you love yourself,” I said.
“It’s okay to talk about yourself a bit but it is much better to show genuine interest in others. Learn to ask them questions about what they think and why? What do they like to do? What did they do last weekend?”
“God gave us two ears and one mouth,” she concluded. “Use that as a measure when talking to others.”
One of the best ways to help our grandchildren gain the virtue of modesty in speech is to help them develop the habit of asking others about what they think or like. My grandmother is an easy example to imitate on this.
Or maybe you are thinking, “I need to train myself to talk less about me, first!”
The author of this post abstained from identification! 😂