Much like human blood, grandparenting “blood” comes in different types.
- Some grandparents, sadly, are the Be-negative types. Family difficulties, breakdowns, or apathy have led one side or the other to say “No!” to the grandparent relationship.
- Some are just circumstantially detached – perhaps because of distance, busy lives, or finances.
- Others are passive. These grandparents love their grandchildren but largely wait for the grandchildren or their parents to initiate contact.
- Some grandparents have supportive “blood.” They regularly help the parents and are present for birthdays, sporting events, holidays, and family needs.
- Still others become influential grandparents. They are trusted adults whose grandchildren seek them out for wisdom, encouragement, and guidance.
What type of grandparent are you? Keep in mind that you may not be the same type of grandparent relative to each grandchild.
Anthony B. Bradley’s recent writing about families challenges the modern assumption that a successful family consists primarily of parents and children operating independently. Historically, children grew up surrounded by a network of adults—parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, neighbors, and church members. Bradley argues that young people need this network of adults who communicate by their presence: You belong. You matter. We are here for you.
For Christian families, grandparents occupy a unique place in that network. Bradley has written about his own family history and the generations of Christian faith that preceded him. His grandfather was a pastor and subsequent generations continued serving the Church. Bradley describes this as “covenant succession”—God’s grace and Christian faith running through the generations of a family.
That is precisely where the mission of Grandly begins: grandparents are not merely spectators in the spiritual lives of their grandchildren. They have been strategically placed by God to pass the faith from one generation to another.
How can we become that kind of grandparent? Begin with two things.
First, build the relationship before trying to teach the lesson. Modern research on multigenerational faith transmission confirms that the ability of grandparents to influence religious belief is strongly connected to the emotional bonds they develop with grandchildren. Relationships open the door through which faith can travel. A grandparent earns influence through presence. Call. Visit. Attend the game. Ask about school. Remember what matters to them. Tell family stories. Laugh with them.
Second, let your grandchildren see your faith. Don’t make faith merely something you talk about. Let them see you pray. Take them to church. Pray before meals. Tell them about a time when God carried you through suffering. Ask occasionally, “Is there anything you would like Grandma and Grandpa to pray for?”
Now ask: What kind of grandparent does God want me to become?
Stephen Hilker is a Catholic Deacon, the grandfather of 16, and lives with his wife, Nancy, in Haslett, MI.