Grandparenting started so well…
I am 74 and have four children, one son-in-law, one daughter-in-law, and an “ex” son-in-law. My last child, a daughter, never married. I currently have 14 grandchildren.
My eldest child, Maria, married a very good man shortly after college. Fifteen months later they brought us our first grandchild. I was 50 years old and very proud and happy to be assuming this new role of grandparent. Seven of my grandchildren are theirs. My second oldest is Jack and he and his wife have four children.
It started so well and then went…Well, not so well.
My third child, Nina, has three children. Her marriage lasted eight years. She was pregnant when she married and pregnant at the time of her divorce. It was never a blissful marriage and it was an ugly divorce, full of anger, accusations, infidelity, financial disaster, and custody battles.
It was hard on me. I was broken-hearted and I did everything I could to help Nina, but I couldn’t heal her shame. The wounds were so deep. Instead, I went the extra mile to help her three children. I wanted to be the solution. Although I knew a grandma should love all of her grandchildren equally, I felt Nina’s three needed a lot more help, both relationally and financially. However, that put stress on my relationships with my other children.
Eventually I realized I was in “The Slough of Despond” as John Bunyan called it in “The Pilgrim’s Progress” and I moaned in prayer, “I can’t fix this.” I believe it was the Holy Spirit groaning within me because I suddenly saw the truth. I am not the solution. I am not the savior. My desire to fix everything put me in the wrong position.
I can’t fix this, only God can.
As I prayed and surrendered my challenges to God, 1 Corinthians 13:13 came to mind: “Still, these three abide: faith, hope and love.”
It wasn’t my role to fix everything. I needed a fresh infusion of faith, hope, and love.
Faith: Conviction that all things work to the good for those who believe (Romans 8:28).
Hope: My heart trusts in God even when my thoughts don’t see it that way (Proverbs 3:5).
Love: Above all these, put on love which binds everything together (Colossians 3:14).
Only God can fix this and I believe, and hope, and love that he will!
Anonymous Grandma 2