Good Vibrations, the 1966 song by the Beach Boys, topped the music charts in part because it was the first song to layer eight different tracks of music, one over the other. “Na-na-na-na-na, na-na-na” was overlaid with “na-na-na-na-na, na-na-na” and then “na-na-na-na-na, na-na-na” and “na-na-na-na-na, na-na-na.” Pop music became more complicated with just one song.
Passing on your faith to your grandchildren is also complicated – for a number of reasons. As noted in The Strategic Grandparent, faith is threefold in its meaning. It is:
1) What we believe (doctrine)
2) The relationship we have with God
3) Moral behavior
Let’s look at faith as “moral behavior.” How you pass it on can differ substantially according to the age of your grandchild. Moral behavior in young children is about learning basic obedience. “No! You may not pull your sister’s hair!” Pre-teens are of an age where they are becoming more independent and are beginning to learn to obey their own conscience. “What could you have done when you saw that boy being teased by other classmates?” College-aged grandchildren are looking for ways to express their growing freedom. “Grandma, did you ever protest against the government? Why?” Taking into consideration the age of your grandchild as you encourage good moral behavior is fundamental.
Consider your own age, health, and abilities also. You will be changing more in the next twenty years than at any other time in your life since you were a child. At 80 years old, kneeling at the bedside of your four-year-old granddaughter may not come as easily as it did with your first granddaughter when you were 60. Sharing your faith may require some creativity as you adapt to your own limitations.
The strategies you employ to develop moral character in your grandchildren will also vary depending on their gender (boys are different from girls), their location (one 12-year-old grandson lives across the street and another lives in New Zealand), and simply because of each grandchild’s distinctive personality.
Another factor you will want to consider is the parents of your grandchildren. Working with your daughter might look very different from working with your son. Add in collaborating with your in-laws and co-grandparents, living in our ever-changing culture, and adapting to new and updated technologies…and it is clear that grandparenting is a lot more complex than it was when you were a grandchild!
Yes, it is complicated! Starting with a prayer for guidance is essential. Pray for the ability to see what God wants to accomplish through you – don’t just tell Him what you want Him to do.
Be ready for the opportunities God puts in front of you. Perhaps the chance will present itself when you are playing Candy Land with your pre-school grandchild, or when you are shopping with your teenage granddaughter, or as you stand on the putting green practicing your shot with your college-age grandson. Be ready to respond to a “good vibration.” God has a way of cutting through complexity and inspiring us to do something.
Na-na-na-na-na, na-na-na…
Mike Shaughnessy, the founder of Grandly, lives in Maryland.